Oh, please let my body double be hotter than Trump

Of course! They rolled out an assassinated 103-year-old president to pose as Trump.

Overview: Former and extra-impeachy President, Donal Trump, attended his weekend rally in Arizona in name only, although it took shrewd attendees to determine what was really going on: that Trump himself had been replaced by a body double. Why? No one’s really talking about that part likely because the Q-a-mommies are all abuzz with the hot little number who’s replaced Trump onstage: none other than 103YO former—and quite dead—President John F. Kennedy. Obviously he just can’t stay out of the limelight.

What it means to a 50-something year old woman who has been to Hyannis port. Aside from the obvious (how does JFK look so good for his age and post-mortem condition and look so repulsive at the same time?), there’s really only one thing going through my head: if I’m ever replaced by a body double, please let her be hot or at least still warm. Really, the last thing I or any of us wants is someone who actually looks like us. If it were me they were replacing, I’d be ticked that they couldn’t find someone younger, taller, maybe a little more lively. Hotter, sleeker, richer, better, you know? Was JFK, Jr. not available?

Consider that the former and disgraceful leader of the free world (Trump, not JFK) could have easily requested any number of his BFF hotties to step in for him. Take, for example, Steve Bannon. Or maybe Ted Nugent or Mike “My Pillow” Lindell. What about keeping it in the family and rolling Eric out for a change?

But inexplicably getting replaced with a body double who’s a foot shorter and 60 years deader than you? That gotta sting. I mean Marilyn Monroe was amazing but I’m okay if they don’t replace me for her.

What it means to the less vain/more sane among us. JFK was a rockstar among Presidents, bold jawline, amazing lineage (like he’s an Irish Setter), deep pockets, all of the privilege. But just a few administrations later, the same president who launched the space race and Bay of Pigs (wait, scratch that one) is forced to pick up gigs as a Trump impersonator? I’m hoping the gig paid well, although my money is on us never seeing the financials.

Years ago, when the film Indecent Proposal came out, my husband offered that he, too, would sleep with Bob Redford for a million (a few drinks later, the ask was down to $15k). When asked if he’d stand in for Trump, my spouse admitted, yes, for a price but wouldn’t commit to a dollar amount. Hopefully it’s more than he’d charge Bob (and that the circumstances would be different). He’s a teacher (read: cash-strapped) so maybe it makes sense.

Still, I’m concerned about JFK — didn’t women throw underwear at him back in the day? Perhaps we should review that lifetime income for Presidents, maybe extend it a few years or decades.

What this means to my Q-a-mom and Q-anon neighbors. I have absolutely no idea, which I wear like a badge of honor.

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